ballmer

Dud Stephens

cohen

#1. Steven A. Cohen

The billionaire head of hedge fund SAC Capital, Cohen ran the firm that committed insider trading "on a scale without any known precedent in the history of hedge funds." Yet he avoided prison. How? Did you miss the part about him being a billionaire? He should be sharing a Sing Sing bunk bed with Jon Corzine, but thanks to Eric Holder both buttnuts remain free to keep fucking things up for the rest of us. 

Don't Call Him Steve, Call Him:

Rollo Tomasi

madden

#2. Steve Madden

Money laundering. Securities fraud. Selling crappy, overpriced shoes. At least Madden did 31 months in a federal prison. Next time, Steve,  donate to candidates and instead of prison, you'll be teeing it up at Westchester with Cohen and Corzine.

 

Don't Call Him Steve, Call Him:

Triple E

ballmer2

#3. Steve Ballmer

There are the Titans of Technology and then there's Steve Ballmer, shamelessly ripping off the ideas of others. It's called innovation, Steve. Bing it.

 

Don't Call Him Steve, Call Him:

Echo

doocy

#4. Steve Doocy

Professional spewer of banalities. Doocy is unoriginal, unfunny and unlikable. And he makes shit up.

 

Don't Call Him Steve, Call Him:

Dick

ranna

#5. Steve Rannazzisi

Actor, comedian, and a guy who, for 14 years, claimed he was on the 54th floor of the World Trade Center when the planes hit. Turns out he made it all up. It happens. We accept his apology but we still award him the lifetime Sacko Award.

 

Don't Call Him Steve, Call Him:

Ruxin's Bitch

liesman

#6. Steve Liesman

CNBC's chief economics correspondent doesn't question authority, he parrots it. It's one thing for the Cohens, Maddens, Blankfiens and Dimons of the world to keep plundering the middle class. It's another when a so-called journalist like Liesman turns his back on the ongoing crimes, choosing instead to be a mouthpiece for the Federal Reserve that exists to serve the 1%. "America was built on consumer debt," argues Liesman, Keynesian bullshit from someone with no appreciation for hard-workers trying to save for the future.

Don't Call Him Steve, Call Him:

Goebbels

williams

#7. Steve Williams

For 12 years, Williams made $10 million annually carrying a golf bag for Tiger Woods. Then as a thank you he writes a tell-all book where he whines "It was like I was his slave." Nice loyalty. And the tell-all isn't even a tell-all as he claims he had no knowledge of his boss's affairs. We're not buying your story, Stevie, or your book.

 

Don't Call Him Steve, Call Him:

Noonan

breyer

#8. Stephen Breyer

Supreme Court Justice is a great gig, a lifetime appointment with sweet perks, including a complimentary robe that makes getting ready for work a snap. All you need to do is settle legal disputes based on your understanding of the Constitution. But Breyer, being a smug, French speaking bastard, thinks that, "the Court will increasingly have to consider activities, both nonjudicial and judicial, that take place abroad" when rendering judgements. He's like a basketball ref who won't whistle kicking the ball because, hey, soccer.

 

Don't Call Him Steve, Call Him:

Clouseau