Top Ten LIVING STEPHENS
#1. Steven Spielberg
You haven't been paying attention if you still think Close Encounters of the Third Kind was a work of science fiction. Ask Buzz Aldrin. Ask President Obama. Ask anyone who's ever gotten the heebie-jeebies from mashed potatoes.
Quote: "The baby boomers owe a big debt of gratitude to the parents and grandparents - who we haven't given enough credit to anyway - for giving us another generation."
#2. Stevie Wonder
Steves are known to show early promise and Stevland Hardaway Judkins was no exception, signing with MoTown Records in 1961. When he was eleven. You don't find that kind of early genius in guys named Doug or Pete. Stevie has gone on to exceed everyone's expectations, writing and recording the greatest songs of the last sixty years.
Quote: “Just because a man lacks the use of his eyes doesn't mean he lacks vision.”
#3. Stephen Curry
The whole point of basketball, si tu veux, is to put the ball in the basket. Monsieur Curry does this better than anyone, yet he remains bien dans sa peau. He has one NBA title and one MVP, and he'll have five or six of each before he's done. While it strikes us as a bit of an affectation, we respect his decision to eschew "Steve" in favor of the Franco-philiac "Steph." C'est la vie.
Quote: "There’s more to life than basketball. The most important thing is your family and taking care of each other and loving each other no matter what."
#4. Steven Tyler
USA Today readers once ranked Pearl Jam the greatest American band ever. Who cares what people reading a complimentary paper while eating sausage in the lobby of a Hampton Inn think? The rest of us know that Aerosmith is #1.
Quote: "I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all."
#5. Stephen King
In 1999, Stephen King was struck by a van while walking along a road in Maine. How does a person survive being struck by a van and continue being America's most prolific writer? Nobody's talking, including the folks who witnessed the crash from the local Pet Cemetery.
Quote: "People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk."
#6. Steve Martin
It was never easy for Mr. Martin. He recalls, "I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi." But he achieved greatness thanks in no small part to three great pieces of advice that his father offered, "Lord loves a working man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it."
Quote: “It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.”
#7. Stephen Hawking
When you're the smartest guy alive you can spout a lot of nonsense and people won't call "bullshit" on you. So we take with a grain of salt Stephen's pontificating on topics like gravitational singularity, general relativity, and black hole radiation. Whatever, Dr. H. If you think your theory of cosmology unifies the general theory of relativity and quantum mechanics, rock on. The rest of us are hurrying home to watch Duck Dynasty.
Quote: "I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road."
#8. Stevie Nicks
And if Stephen Hawking is so smart, how come he never went into the studio to record a better album than Rumours?
Quote: "All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind. Would you stay if she promised you heaven-Will you ever win?"
#9. Stephen Sondheim
Our Dead Stephens Chairman found it rich that the greatest genius in American musical theater came in a notch below Stevie Nicks. He wanted answers from the staffers who made that call, demanding, "Send in the clowns!"
Quote: "The worst thing you can do is censor yourself as the pencil hits the paper. You must not edit until you get it all on paper. If you can put everything down, stream-of-consciousness, you'll do yourself a service."
#10. Stephen Colbert
There is a sign hanging in the Dead Stephens rumpus room that bears a single word, the Colbert mantra, "TRUTHINESS."
Quote: "Don't be afraid to make things up. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up all the time. They're qualified to."